Stating the obvious: people are obsessed with pumpkin flavored shit. Have you seen the bounty of pumpkin options at Trader Joe’s as of late? The pumpkin toaster pastries admittedly tempt me but does the world really need pumpkin croutons? 

I jumped on the bandwagon like the basic-whitegirl-in-denial that I am and crafted a couple pumpkin drink options this week. Both were pretty good. Better than a Starbuck’s PSL which I think taste like soap.

 Pumpkin Coffee Drink* (PSL if you must)

Ingredients:

• Amount of coffee or espresso of your choice (I used about a cup of coffee)
• ½-1 cup dairy product of your choice (I used unsweetened almond milk)
• About ½ cup canned pumpkin (you could probably omit this-the spices are what bring the flavor. But I needed to get through the can of pumpkin I opened, YOLO, etc.)
• ½ tsp. vanilla extract
• Roughly ½ tsp. pumpkin spice OR roughly ½ tsp. cinnamon, ¼ tsp. nutmeg, small pinch ground cloves (I went this route and I eyeballed these amounts)
• Optional: sweetener (I used a stevia packet)

Heat the dairy and pumpkin on the stovetop or in the microwave, unless you want an iced drink. Stir in the seasonings to dissolve.

Combine with the coffee/espresso in a blender, or just stir/whisk together.

*Adapted from The Skinny Confidential

Drinks will taste better if consumed thusly. Fact.

Pumpkin Smoothie

I breakfasted on smoothies all summer and am not quite ready to say goodbye yet. This provides a nice transition to oatmeal season.

Blend these together:

• ½ cup water or dairy (I used almond milk)
• ½ cup ish canned pumpkin
• Frozen, or non frozen, banana
• Generous amount cinnamon
• Optional: yogurt and/or raw cashews for more creaminess and protein

Chipotle has a good thing going on. I am very into the concept of choosing among various items and crafting an edible creation to my specifications/whims. Especially if it’s relatively healthy.

Thus, I have stolen Chipotle’s approach and have been crafting lunch bowls. Basically, you make a few items that go together at the beginning of the week, providing you with a bounty of eatin’ options for the next several days.

This is my next lunch bowl.

Here is the basic equation:

• A grain (rice, quinoa, pasta, something super trendy like farro, etc.)
• A protein (meat, tofu, beans, you can even get crazy and do two)
• Veggies (sautéed, raw, steamed, whatever)
• Some type of sauce (salsa=Mexican, peanut=Asian, Trader Joe’s has some good pre made curry options, and I love Oh She Glows vegan sauce recipes if you want to be extra crafty)
• Extras (shredded or crumbled cheese, avocado, olives, nuts, other crunchy things, virgins’ tears)

You can really go in any direction with this but a Mexican iteration is one of my tried and true faves. Here is one I concocted recently:

• Meat: Trader Joe’s free-range stew beef in the slow cooker with a jar of salsa. Cooked on low ~ 6 hours. Chicken or pork works too, duh.
• Rice: Made a pot of rice. You could go all out and do a Mexican rice version.
• Black beans: I used dry and cooked these bitches on the stovetop but if you don’t share my bulk dried foods obsession, canned beans are obviously easier. If using dried, you can cook them in broth and add a bay leaf for extra flavor.
• Veggies: sautéed green peppers, onion, mushrooms.

When I packed this up, I sprinkled shredded cheese and hot sauce on the top. Boom.

Voila, portable lunch for the week. If you tire of bowls or run out of one component, all of the fixins work well with other food items.

It’s TMI thirty, and in other news I just had my crotch zapped with lasers. Good times! I’d been thinking about getting my bikini line lasered for a while. The Kardashians do it so it’s obviously a good idea. I read or saw on some reputable cultural source (e.g. US Weekly or E) that Kourtney K. has like, her entire body done. An amazing Amazon Local offer sealed the deal, and off I went to Kukumber Skin Lounge (it’s that place on 1^st Ave in downtown Seattle with the shady giant signs all over the front).

Seems legit!

Despite these signs/its ridic name, the place wasn’t sketchy inside (though some Yelpers would apparently beg to differ) and the technician seemed competent and knowledgeable, so I didn’t flee the scene. It was a fairly quick process and wasn’t very painful-just quick little pinches, maybe ten tops on either crotchburn (like sideburns… get it? I heart shitty portmanteaus). Today’s was the first of a total of six zapping sessions in which I will be partaking, spaced six weeks apart.

Hopefully that shit worked and my follicles will self destruct post haste. However I got all excited after my appointment and texted my sister who informed me that she attempted ye olde lasering earlier this year and it didn’t work for her. We’ll see. Hopefully she went somewhere even more questionable than Kukumber and/or harbors a special pubes of steel gene I didn’t inherit.